Building Bridges

My thoughts are a bit muddled right now, so pardon me if this post lacks any semblance of logic.  Half the time, I scarcely even know what I'm thinking (or writing, for that matter), so I doubt you'll find any large amount of insight in these blog entries.

With that said, allow me to begin my latest bout of rambling...

Have you ever noticed how powerful anticipation can be?  I'm not talking about mere expectations--certainly not in the negative sense I've displayed in my past few entries, anyway--but more of an eagerness, an excitement.  Anticipation can drive me through the week, giving me that extra bit of energy I need to survive my Science & Religion exam or my Life Science lab or even my extensive French composition (which is what I should be working on right now)!  If I'm anticipating something (something positive, mind you), I always have the strength to push through it all.

Now, this "something positive" doesn't have to be monumental.  It could be as casual as going for a walk with a friend, watching a good TV show, or just taking the time to relax.  I mean, sure, the anticipation is going to be a little stronger if, say, you know you're about to leave for a trip to Europe...but anything works, really.

There were so many times at work over the summer that I just didn't think I was going to make it through the week--so many "I. CAN'T. TAKE. THIS. ANYMORE." moments.  But--despite my frustrations--as long as I had something positive looming, even if it was several weeks away, I was totally fine.  "All I have to do is make it until..." was my motto during those times.  Certainly, anticipation has been my faithful companion through many a bleak moment.

And even better is anticipation during those wonderful, non-bleak moments--just when the anticipation is reaching its peak.  The event itself is about to occur, and I find myself happier than I ever remember being--filled with pure, untainted excitement, devoid of any thoughts of negativity or doubt.  I feel this when I'm waiting to meet a friend somewhere.  I feel it when I'm driving to someone's house to hang out.  I feel it anytime I know something good is about to happen.  It's unbelievable.

Oftentimes, I feel like anticipation can be more energizing than the realization of the event itself--especially for someone like me, who idealizes everything.  I can think of numerous occasions when I built up events so much in my mind that the reality could hardly stand up to my anticipations.  But, again, that's not the point.  The point is that, in those moments of anticipation, in that period of charged excitement, I feel great.  I feel like nothing can go wrong, and, on the off-chance that something does, it really won't matter.  I'm anticipating something amazing.

I guess I'm not exactly uncovering some great secret in this blog entry.  "Hey everyone!  Excitement is GOOD!"  Honestly, I kind of felt like my entries were leaning toward the depressing side of things, and I wanted to gush about something positive for once.  So, I decided to cling to this idea--something that has helped me to cope during all sorts of inner turmoil.

I realize that this may not have been interesting or enjoyable...or worthwhile in any way.  But it really does make me feel better to sort these things out in my head by writing them down...for all the world (i.e. maybe about five people) to see.

In short, this post has helped me to realize that, while I often feel bounded by the past and confused by the present, I would simply do better to look to the future--to the things that I'm anticipating.